Trauma Triggers Feeling of Regret
In the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing and the West, Texas, explosion at a fertilizer production facility, Sunday Morning on CBS aired a story about the heightened awareness that none of us is assured of tomorrow, and the regret for unsaid words and undone deeds that often accompanies unexpected loss and grief. Jackie Hooper, author of The Things You Would Have Said: The Chance to Say What You Always Wanted Them to Know wondered what people would say to those they had lost if they had the chance. So she began asking that question in schools, jails, retirement homes and elsewhere.
Letters began pouring in from around the world: letters to those long dead, to lovers lost, to those wronged and to those who had inflicted harm, to teachers unappreciated and kind neighbors unthanked, to unsung heroes who never knew the impact they had made on others, to family members, friends and foes. Letters expressing grief, admitting guilt, asking for forgiveness, extending the same, revealing love, saying thanks. Hooper commented that writing regrets down on paper seems to be healing and may provide a kind of closure that enables people to move on with their lives.
Psychology Professor Neal Roese of Northwestern University in Chicago, who has studied the emotion of regret for two decades, agreed: “People can use the emotion of regret. Regret can serve a healthy purpose if we listen to a message or draw an insight, but then move on and focus on the future.” This week’s lesson focusing on the transitive nature of life, the concept of regret, and how we can live each day as if it were our last.
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